BREAKING NEWS: Seasonal Rugby Corruption Scandal Drags On

BAXTER IMPLICATED FURTHER AS CORRUPTION SPREADS

Unknown Location, 04 Sep 2012, 16:20
The fallout from Cricsim News of the World’s exposé of an underlying web of corruption has resulted in an increased media presence in the Seasonal Rugby competition’s headquarters – the Rugby Forum – as Hedger’s probe into the intertwined, deceitful practices uncovered more dodgy back-room dealings; the cancerous plague spreading far further than originally thought possible.

CSNotW has it on good authority that the man known simply as ‘Rego’ has been cleared of any wrongdoing, despite approaches from Baxter to accept money and sex for fixing simmed matches. Similarly, information implicating HeathDavisSpeed has been refuted, as he commented: ”The Seasonal Rugby board does not take kindly to accusations of corruption; we are beyond reproach in this respect, and stories of my silence have been grossly exaggerated. I am more than willing to comment on proceedings.” He also pledged his allegiance to Hedger’s cause, saying he would do anything for his beloved investigation leader to ensure the corrupt Spartans do not destroy the seasonal rugby competition.

Hedger had this to say about the investigation:

”It has come to our attention that Fy was not a reliable source of information, and the meeting between Baxter and Rego was an attempt to recruit the simmer, not a covert method in which to pay Rego for his services.”

Quaggas has been appointed to head a Grand Jury, the Cricsim Ruinous Accusation Bureau, to ensure such character slurs against highly-respected Cricsim officials do not occur again. Furthermore, he will support Hedger throughout the corruption investigation, and has been requested to create a report at the conclusion of proceedings. He had this to say at his appointment:

"I would like to thank Hedger, our fearless leader, for allowing me the honour of heading the Grand Jury. He has put his life on the line to stamp corruption out of our wonderful Rugby competition, and it would be sickening not to follow him into battle."

Fy, the anonymous source of information leading to the accusations against Rego, has been discovered to be on Baxter’s payroll, working for the Spartans to ensure suspicion was deflected away from the corrupt club. Such blatant trickery was not to be tolerated. The mis-informant was apprehended by our fearless leader Hedger, and Fy was reportedly repentant for his actions, suitably ashamed of his treason against his fellow Comrades.

The current whereabouts of the syphilis-carrying UglyKents.com user are unknown.

In response to the suppression of Cricsim News of the World’s publishing rights, Hedger’s second-in-command for the investigation, GIMH, and Ginger Furball, acting head of the Free Speech Commission, released a joint statement condemning the ban placed on CSNotW:

”What is it that CricSim has to hide? An honourable publication, attempting to support Comrade Hedger’s drive to destroy the toxic roots of corruption, has been suppressed by the bourgeois 1%. Such suppression of the 99% should not be tolerated. Such hasty reaction to a group intent on presenting the truth creates a sense of doubt around CricSim’s integrity and commitment to free speech.
Look, we’re not saying they’ve done anything wrong, but they have some questions to answer.”

The Spartans are underpinning this corrupt culture within Seasonal Rugby, and without Hedger’s incredible effort this cancer would have spread farther. We are indebted to our Comrade for pledging to fight corruption to the end of days. “Baxter must be stopped,” he said “before he draws in innocent members of the Gamblers to his corrupt web. We request HeathDavisSpeed to strip the Spartans of all Seasonal Rugby points and suspend them from the competition, in order to prevent this from spreading further.”

In other news, Cricsim News of the World attempted to contact Comrade Rego, however later discovered he had flown to Las Vegas and was seen partying - drunk on a cocktail of drugs and with women surrounding him - having been cleared of any wrongdoing by Quaggas and the integrity committee. Reports suggest Charlie Sheen was also in attendance, and one bystander noted “Tha’ Rego cunt was gettin’ ‘is ‘Arry on.”

Despite Comrade Rego having been cleared of all involvement, the remaining corruption within CricSim must be stopped; until this is the case, Cricsim News of the World will not be silenced.

Thank you comrades, this has been a public service announcement from CricSim News of the World.

Heil Hedger.

 

Fy: I'm so lonely; I wish someone would just give me the hug I'm so desperate for.
Unknown Location, 04 Sep 2012, 16:23
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