EXCLUSIVE: Corruption Scandal Threatens Seasonal Rugby Future

Cricsim NotW · Sep 3, 2012

'Corruption Scandal Fucks Over Crabs, Destroys Seasonal Rugby'

CSNotW said:

Undisclosed Location, Sunday, September 2nd 2012, 20:01
CricSim News of the World has uncovered an intertwined web of deceit, bribery and nochalant corruption within the Spartans that will threaten the very existence of the Seasonal Rugby competition, crippling the core of CricSim's operations for years to come.

An anonymous source, henceforth referred to as 'fy' to avoid continually retyping an anonymous source, contacted CSNotW within the last week, informing us of supposed corruption within the Seasonal Rugby fraternity. Fy revealed, exclusively to CSNotW, that new junior simmer Reginald, henceforth referred to as 'Rego' because its a slightly less shit name, has been paid off with a mixture of promised sexual favours and votes on UglyKents.com to ensure the success of the Olympians within the Seasonal Rugby Reserve League.

It is as yet unknown if the two bribery attempts are interconnected.

Fy informed us of the location of the next meeting between the two involved parties, with the Spartans representative set to rendez-voux with Rego in a seedy back alley, wearing trench coats and fedoras. Fy informed us that the idea of disguising themselves as gay cunts was entirely the idea of Rego.

Here at CSNotW, we believe unethical journalistic practices like phone hacking should never be used, unless there is the possibility of a tell-all story. Which is always. Through secret listening devices placed within the phone of Rego (which are set to explode when this story goes to print; nobody ever talks to Rego on the phone so he's safe - we do our research to prevent nasty accidents, since we are scrupulous like that), it was discovered that the game between the Nippers and the Punters was set to be fixed, in order for the Spartans to further destroy the reputation of the fine sporting entity that is the CW Crabs RUFC.

As the record book shows, the Nippers were far too strong to be held down by such cancerous trickery and pathetic debauchery, miraculously overcoming the longest of odds to win in a canter. They were unchallenged, despite a crooked simmer.

Furthermore, the identity of the Spartans representative was uncovered by a stunning piece of investigative journalism. Baxter (aka Marcuss (aka Ankh Desmond (aka Nolan Winslow))), a man held in extremely high regard by all bar the Crabs (who appear to be blessed with incredible character judgement skills, as well as their obvious rugby prowess), was the man linking the Spartans with Rego - a piece of information even fy could not uncover. But that's to be expected, he isn't a Crab after all.

This scandal, linking together one of the highest ranking officials in the CricSim hierarchy with one of the least respected human beings in living memory, has threatened to cast doubt on all results from the Reserve league in Season 4.

HeathDavisSpeed, competition manager, was unreachable when asked to defend his underling and refused to comment on the corruption. As per future Australian law, this is an admission of guilt. Even our beloved Comrade Heath is corrupt.

The mighty Crabs, as the only honourable club on CricSim, have been requested to investigate further into high-level corruption within the Seasonal Rugby competition, and we have it on good authority that the "tentacles of corruption do not discriminate" and have already claimed victims from Bannerman Shield sides, and may have spread as far as regional competitions. Cribbage, competition manager, did respond to CSNotW requests, saying:

"There is no doubt to be cast over the cricket simulation competition on CricSim. Corruption on this level would be impossible when no simming has occurred in months. Now fuck off you fucking journalist cunts."

Hedger, heading up the investigation, had this to say:
"There has been some serious cunting going on. But what can you do when cunts want to cunt? The answer, as we all know, is to fucking drive the cunts out of CricSim. As leader of this investigation, I will no longer stand for these cunts cunting on CricSim."

Needless to say, Hedger is intent on driving corruption out of the CricSim community, going so far as to say he was "fizzing at the bung" to begin his cleansing task. To have a group like the Crabs, held in such high esteem, to purge the CricSim world of the corrupt 1% - Baxter, he of so many names - is an honour all our comrades should share.

The first order of business is to subject Fy to waterboarding, for such dire times call for drastic measures, and the possibility of the Crabs being deprived of important information is sickening.

Thank you comrades, this has been a public service announcement from CricSim News of the World.

Heil Hedger.
Click to expand...

Raide · Sep 3, 2012

Eds · Sep 3, 2012

Heil.

Gazza · Sep 3, 2012

Fuck Rego and fuck the spartans

Raide · Sep 3, 2012

'Twas a wonderful read!

Skippos · Sep 3, 2012

hahaha banned

HeathDavisSpeed · Sep 3, 2012

Skippos said: ↑

hahaha banned
Click to expand...

Accusations of Cheating. He's been humbled so to speak.

Eds · Sep 3, 2012

HeathDavisSpeed said: ↑

Accusations of Cheating. He's been humbled so to speak.
Click to expand...

Himannv · Sep 3, 2012

Good read.

Rego · Sep 3, 2012

Better get my lawyer.....

Athlai · Sep 3, 2012

The banning makes this all the better.

Tartmaster · Sep 3, 2012

Who's Hedger again?

Howe · Sep 3, 2012

Athlai said: ↑

The banning makes this all the better.
Click to expand...

What don't they want us to know?!?

Eds · Sep 3, 2012

Rumours of a CSSundaySun looking increasingly reliable.

Athlai · Sep 3, 2012

Howe said: ↑

What don't they want us to know?!?
Click to expand...

No one besides Lukic will ever know.

Callum · Sep 3, 2012

Furball · Sep 3, 2012

We demand the truth!

Rego · Sep 3, 2012

You can't handle the truth

MrPrez · Sep 3, 2012

Quality

Mike · Sep 3, 2012

Callum said: ↑

Click to expand...

Haha, quality. Definitely saving that one.

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EXCLUSIVE: Corruption Scandal Threatens Seasonal Rugby Future

Cricsim NotW New Member

Raide KN Rask

Eds E Ames

Gazza GJ Weaver

Raide KN Rask

Skippos SM Morgan

HeathDavisSpeed HT Davis

Eds E Ames

Himannv LV Himann

Rego RS Hutchinson

Athlai JJD Heads

Tartmaster AJ James

Howe JHF Howe

Eds E Ames

Athlai JJD Heads

Callum CJ Laing

Furball G Furball

Rego RS Hutchinson

MrPrez CM Dyer

Mike ML Martyn

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EXCLUSIVE: Corruption Scandal Threatens Seasonal Rugby Future

Cricsim NotW New Member

Raide KN Rask

Eds E Ames

Gazza GJ Weaver

Raide KN Rask

Skippos SM Morgan

HeathDavisSpeed HT Davis

Eds E Ames

Himannv LV Himann

Rego RS Hutchinson

Athlai JJD Heads

Tartmaster AJ James

Howe JHF Howe

Eds E Ames

Athlai JJD Heads

Callum CJ Laing

Furball G Furball

Rego RS Hutchinson

MrPrez CM Dyer

Mike ML Martyn

Share This Page

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